


Deleted Sexy Scenes from Love Potion No. 9

by BadBadBucky



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Finger kink, M/M, sex in public
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:00:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24740437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadBadBucky/pseuds/BadBadBucky
Summary: These are some smutty scenes I wrote for Love Potion No. 9 and then pulled. So if you were wondering what went down when Howard and Vince finally got together or what happened in the funeral parlor bathroom here s your sexy sexy answer.Warning I have not written much smut, hence them being pulled. but I thought you guys might like, so here they are.
Relationships: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	1. 20 years of Sexual Tension

Vince pressed his lips to Howard’s shoulder. He still sat on the arm of the chair.

He murmured with his mouth pressed to the soft fabric of Howard’s shirt, “I don’t want to be sad anymore.”

Howard let out a choked laugh. “Neither do I, little man.”

“Good.”

With that Vince gently pressed his palm to Howard’s face, turning it toward his own. Then he kissed him. 

He’d meant it to be simple and sweet. Just a promise of more to come. But once his lips connected with Howard’s, twenty years of longing and pain and love and want spilled out and he found himself grabbing Howard’s face. Kissing him harder. Wanting him closerclosercloser.

***

Howard froze for a moment his eyes wide. Then he let out a breath he’d been holding for twenty years and sank into the kiss, allowing his eyes to drift closed. 

Vince climbed into Howard’s lap and Howard’s hands traveled up and down his thighs. And he moaned into Howard’s mouth. 

Howard loved the thick musculature of Vince’s legs. He felt so strong and alive and  _ present  _ in his lap _.  _ No longer the thin little waif from their teenage years. There was a thin blue shadow of stubble on Vince’s cheeks that he never would have been able to grow when he was younger. It rasped over Howard’s skin and he’d never known it could be like this. That it could be so good like this. 

He’d been scared that their chemistry might have faded. Evaporated like liquid in a poorly sealed jar left to sit on a shelf for 20 years. But it was still there. If anything it was better. They were hungry for each other. Two magnets held just far enough apart for so long finally able to snap back together. 

They fit together perfectly. Vince’s smaller frame wrapping around Howard’s larger one. 

Howard ran his fingers through Vince’s hair. And when he drew them back to Vince’s face to draw him deeper and deeper into a kiss he could smell Vince’s mint and lavender shampoo on his own hands. 

***

Howard’s hands tugged at the hem of his shirt, timid but wanting. Vince attempted to take off his shirt without disengaging from Howard, then when he saw that wasn’t going to work he sat up and tried to take it off sexily, but he ended up getting his head and arms stuck in his shirt.

Howard chuckled. 

“Quit laughin’ ya berk! Help me!”

Howard was in no rush to get the shirt off. Instead he trailed his tongue down Vince’s chest. Robbed of his sight, the sensation of Howard’s tongue on his sensitive skin left Vince gasping. He wanted nothing more than to get Howard’s togs off and return the favor. But his arms were trapped. So all he could do was try to stay still and feel the material of his t-shirt tickle his lips as it puffed in and out with each breath. 

Howard dragged his fingers up and down Vince’s bare back and it cast goosebumps over his skin. 

Vince jumped in surprise as Howard kissed him through the t-shirt material covering his face. The sensation of Howard’s tongue pressing into his mouth through the soft cloth was unlike Vince had ever experienced before. Sexy, but frustratingly distant. 

Vince whimpered. He wanted more. 

***

Howard thought he could have stared at the wet spot on the shirt where his and Vince’s mouths had come together forever. It was completely chaste yet somehow utterly obscene.

Howard settled his hands on Vince’s hips, rubbing his thumbs over the dark hair trailing down into Vince’s trousers. Vince shuddered and shivered into his touch. And the most beautiful pink blush bloomed across his chest. 

Vince’s voice was husky and low and aching with want as he said “Come on Howard. Get me outta here.” 

Taking one for the team, Howard obliged. Pulling the shirt up over Vince’s arms and head. Letting it drop to the floor. 

Then he hooked his arms under Vince’s legs and stood up. Vince gasped as he was suddenly lifted into the air but then wrapped his legs around Howard’s waist as Howard carried him toward the bedroom. 

There was one very important question he needed to ask before they could proceed. It was important in every sexual encounter, or so Howard had read, despite not having many (or any) sexual encounters, but it was especially important for someone with Vince’s history. 

“Vince?”

Vince looked up from where he had been kissing Howard’s neck. His mouth was wet and pink and quite distracting. 

“Is this alright? Do you want to do this?”

For a moment Vince looked confused and Howard was terrified once again that he had misread this entire situation though he wasn’t quite sure how that was possible in this scenario. Then the confusion cleared and a beautiful smile bloomed across Vince’s face.

“Oh. No one’s ever really-never bothered to-” Vince bit his lip, his cheeks went pink and he smiled up at Howard bashfully. “Yes Howard. I want this. I’ve wanted it so long.” 

Howard grinned and dropped Vince onto the bed. Vince looked up at him and the look in his eye just promised he was going to say something cheeky but then Howard began unbuttoning his shirt and the cheeky look dissolved into hunger. His pupils grew larger, making his eyes dark and dangerous. 

Howard got all of the front buttons undone, but in his haste he’d missed the buttons on the cuffs of his sleeves. He thrashed for a bit before the buttons finally cried no more and released. He threw the shirt onto the floor and gave Vince a lupine smile of triumph.

***

That smile did things to Vince. Howard looked like a sexual coyote with just the slightest glint of mania only twenty years of simmering sexual tension could yield. 

Vince was lying backwards, propped up on his elbows. He started to sit up, to try and get at Howard, there was nothing more he wanted in this moment than to run his tongue up and down Howard’s chest. Well. Maybe there were a couple things he wanted to do more. But when he tried to sit up, Howard crawled onto the bed and planted a hand on his chest. Vince sank back down with a disappointed little huff. 

But the disappointment didn’t last long because Howard draped himself over Vince, pinning him down with the most comforting weight. And he could feel the heavy press of Howard’s erection through their respective trousers and they were going to need to get rid of said trousers pronto, but for now Vince was enjoying the throbbing heat as his own cock rose. 

Howard still had Vince pinned. He dragged long slow kisses down Vince’s neck, and right at the base of his collar bone, sucked long and deep, leaving a purpling hickey, while he did that he reached between them and palmed Vince’s cock. Vince bucked into the sensation.

***

Vince twitched deliciously underneath him. Emitting little gasps and whines as Howard slowly squeezed and released, squeezed and released his cock. 

Vince’s hands worked their way down to unbutton Howard’s trousers and he was making a valiant effort to tug them down despite being damn near immobilized by Howard lying on top of him. 

Howard let go of Vince and rolled to the side. They both unbuttoned their trousers. Howard stood up to take his off. Vince elected to stay lying down. Arching his back to lever his ass off the bed so he could shimmy his tight trousers down. It was entrancing to watch but also too slow, so the moment Howard got his trousers off he assisted Vince with his, yanking them off and turning them inside out as the cuffs caught on Vince’s ankles. He whipped them onto the floor and climbed back onto the bed.

Vince’s erection strained against the soft material of his blue and pink pants. 

***

Vince took advantage of the temporary change in position to climb on top of Howard. Straddling him and finally getting his wish as he licked Howard’s collarbone and chest. Howard shivered at the sensation.

Vince worked his way down to Howard’s nipple. Licking and sucking at it, then flashing a cheeky grin up at Howard from under his fringe he gently bit it, and Howard moaned and he sank his fingers into Vince’ asscheeks, clutching desperately. Grateful for something to hold onto. 

Vince kissed and licked his way lower and lower. He crawled down the length of Howard’s body until hewas propped up between Howard’s legs. Howard’s eyes drifted closed as he surrendered to the sensation. 

He playfully snapped the waistband of Howard’s pants and Howard’s eyes flew open. 

He opened his mouth, perhaps to lecture Vince on the inappropriateness of snapping another man’s waistband and the importance of elastic integrity, but they would never know because at that moment Vince pulled Howard’s pants down, freeing his aching cock, then licked a long stripe on the underside from the base to the head and so instead of the intended lecture Howard moaned and arched his back. 

Pleased with this reaction Vince took his thumb and rubbed it across the tip, smearing the few beads of precum gathered there across the head. Howard gasped at the sensation.

Then Vince took Howard’s cock into his mouth and Howard let out a sort of choked breathless scream that was both funny and very very sexy. Loving the heavy weight on his tongue Vince bobbed and sucked on Howard’s cock.

***

Howard’s body was so tense that his mind had no choice but to turn to jelly. Every nerve in his body was rocking and screaming as Vince sucked his cock. 

And just when he thought he had a handle on things. Like he could and should get a hold of himself then he was reminded that he was with Vince. That it was Vince’s bed they were lying in. That it was Vince’s mouth around him. That this wasn’t a dream. He finally had Vince, and then he would lose control all over again, driving his head harder and deeper into the mattress, his hips jutting, as the wet warmth of Vince’s mouth enveloped him. 

He said Vince’s name several times and couldn’t figure out why Vince wasn’t responding until he realized that in the haze he hadn’t actually been speaking. Just wordless moans. So he tried again.

“Vince, I’m not going to last much longer.”

Vince’s eyes had been closed. They drifted open and sparkled with mischief.

Vince removed his mouth from Howard’s cock with a wet pop. Then he grinned at Howard and said “good” before dropping his head back down. Taking Howard all the way to the back of his throat.

And now Howard truly has lost all control as he whipped his head back and forth. He buried his hands in Vince’s hair. Keeping his head right there, right there, right there, until he tensed past the point of no return where extreme tension turns to languid relief and he let go of Vince’s head, but Vince keept his head down, sucking and licking and Howard came in his mouth. Vince swallowed it and then smiled up at Howard shyly. 

Howard sat up, the muscles in his belly straining as they try to remember how to do their job. He pulled Vince into a deep kiss. 

***

Howard’s long musicians fingers drifted down to the waistband of his pants. And how long had he fantasized about those fingers. 

“Now,” Howard said, glancing down at the bulge in Vince’s pants, sounding like a stern teacher, “just what are we going to do about this?”

And this took Vince’s breath away. It was just so unbelievably hot. The way Howard operated with such shocking confidence. The bedroom apparently being the one place in the world he operated with ease. Who knew? 

Howard slung Vince around so he was once again on his back. Vince sat up, trying to nip at him playfully, but Howard easily pinned him. And they both knew that losing was the real victory. So Vince stopped resisting and stared up at Howard with those dark hungry eyes.

Howard kept both of Vince’s wrists pinned with one hand as he used the other to pull Vince pants down. Vince lifted up his legs so Howard can easily pull them all the way off. 

“What would you like Vince?” Howard asked, in that deep forest honey rumble Vince could feel from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. 

Those long beautiful talented fingers. He wanted them. So so badly. 

He parted his lips and as if sensing what he wanted Howard softly traced the bow of his lip with one finger. Vince opened his mouth more. Sucking on Howard’s finger while he stared deep into Howard’s eyes. 

He roughed his tongue over the pad of Howard’s finger a few times before releasing it. He nodded his head toward the bedside table crowded with bits of sewing and sweets wrappers. Howard pulled open the drawer and removed a bottle of lube.

He opened the bottle and poured some onto his finger, rolling it around experimentally. He cocked an eyebrow at Vince to silently ask “is this what you want?”

Vince chewed on his lips, rendering them pink and swollen. He nodded.

Howard poured more lube onto his fingertips and Vince pulled his knees to his chest. Making himself vulnerable and exposed.

Howard circled one finger around Vince’s anus, not pressing in yet. Just circling. 

Vince bit down on his lip, rocking into the sensation, ready for those long beautiful fingers to be inside him. 

When Howard pressed the tip of his finger inside Vince’s mouth dropped open. And he moaned.

***

Vince tensed around Howard’s finger. The feeling of the slick muscles clamping down around his finger was incredible. Howard ran his other hand up and down Vince’s thigh and Vince relaxed. Allowing Howard to go deeper. The sight of his finger disappearing inside Vince was making him lose his mind a bit. 

Howard worked the finger around. Slowly stretching Vince’s hole. Then he added a second finger, scissoring them apart and Vince’s face contorted into a mask of aching needing want. 

Howard removed one of his fingers and Vince whined at the absence. Clenching down to keep the other from leaving as well, but he needn’t have worried. Because Howard pressed the remaining finger deeper and deeper. He crooked his finger in a “come on” gesture. Heh, come on, that was one of his.

***

Sparks exploded behind Vince’s eyes as Howard connected with his prostate. He could no longer control the breathy whimpers tumbling out of his mouth. As Howard. Just. Kept. Hitting it. 

His legs trembled with the effort of keeping them up. He dug his fingers into his shins, gripping tighter and tighter as Howard added the second finger back in. Widening. Stretching. Feeling that delicious burn.

***

Vince was so beautiful like this. A thin sheen of sweat beading on his skin. Dark strands of hair plastered to his forehead. His stomach muscles twitching. Sweet whimpers spilling from his swollen lips. Biting down on them harder with each movement of Howard’s fingers. 

Howard fucked his fingers in and out and the little whimpers turned into cries. Howard slid his fingers out and then in, driving them all the way to the tight bundle of nerves of Vince’s prostate.

Howard wrapped his other hand around Vince’s leaking neglected cock. He stroked up and down. Mirroring his strokes with the rhythm of his fingers inside Vince.

***

Vince’s hips bucked wildly as his brain was overloaded by the twin sensations of Howard's long beautiful fingers inside him and wrapped around his cock. Working his length. Up and down. In and out. 

Then Howard added a third finger and Vince screamed. And he wasn’t sure if he was laughing or crying. And it was too much but he wanted more. And he knew he was going to cum soon. He clenched around Howard’s fingers and that sent another wave of heady sensation coursing through his veins. 

And Howard crooked his fingers one last time and that was all it took. His head swam as he sank into the dizzying spiral of orgasm. Every muscle in his body wound so tight, tense, then abruptly dropping off into boneless release. His cum covered his stomach and his legs flopped down, twitching of their own accord as the last little electric aftershocks of pleasure traveled down them. He couldn’t have moved them even if he’d wanted to. 


	2. Coffin Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vince and Howard go coffin shopping for howard's dad. Vince wears a trenchcoat and nothing underneath. Things take an interesting turn when Howard discovers this.

Howard noticed that Vince was looking a bit...sweaty? He’d never known Vince to be sweaty in public, though he now knew Vince got quite sweaty in private. But yes, there was moisture gathering on his upper lip. He looked a bit flushed. And his hair was, it felt like blasphemy to say it but it was true, limp.

“Vince.”

“Mm-hm?” Vince said, the very picture of nonchalance.

“Your beauty mark has migrated. More of a beauty streak now.” A slow smile spread across Howard’s face as he realized what was going on. He stood up. “You’re getting hot aren’t you? That coat is too bloody hot. That’s it isn’t it? I was right. Oh, I told you. Yes. I told you!” Howard was getting quite excited. He  _ never  _ got to say I told you so. This was amazing. He was riding high. He had to make it a point to be right more often. 

Vince sneered, but it was very unconvincing. “Nooooo.”

“Yes you are. You’re sweating buckets. Just take it off. You’re gonna have a heat stroke. I think they’re running the heat in here.”

He stepped forward to unbutton Vince’s coat. Vince slapped his hand. 

“Vince. Come on, this is silly, surely fashion can’t be worth all that.”

Vince glanced away from Howard, a bit abashed, a bit mischievous. “It’s not that.” 

“Then what is it?” Howard pulled off Vince’s sunglasses and folded them away. 

Vince mumbled something barely audible.

“What?”

Vince mumbled a bit louder but not any more intelligible.

“What?”

“I ain’t wearin’ nuffin’ underneath.”

Howard’s mind short circuited. “You’re-you’re not wearing anything underneath?”

“No.” Vince was definitely blushing now. It was fucking adorable and was making it very hard for Howard to figure out how he felt about the situation. He finally settled on amused. Mostly so he could have a bit of fun. 

“No dress?”

“No.”

“No shirt?”

Vince stared at the floor. “No.”

“No pants?”

Vince’s face couldn’t seem to decide between embarrassed or pleased with himself. “No.”

“Care to explain yourself little man?”

“Ok. So you know how sometimes people get really horny at funerals?”

Howard just stared at him impassively. 

Vince rushed to fill the silence. “So basically I was thinkin’ that if you got horny cos you was thinkin’ about death n’ like mortality and goin’ well dark or wotever, then like maybe you’d wanna go ‘ave a shag in the toilet and you’d feel better and so I thought this would give us sorta easier access. Like I wasn’t gonna suggest it or nothing, just like if you wanted it, then it’d be sort of a nice little surprise. Otherwise I’d just wear the coat the whole time, but it is really hot Howard. It’s June, why’s he got the heat on? I’m boilin’.” He fanned himself with his hand. “So ‘m sorry Howard. I didn’t think it through.”

Howard allowed his stern stare to morph into an exasperated smile. “You cheeky tart.” 

Vince looked up at him hopefully. “You aren’t angry?”

Not quite believing what he was doing he grabbed Vince’s hand. “Come with me.” He dragged Vince toward the men’s room.

Once they were inside he pushed Vince up against the back wall. He rucked Vince’s coat up over his thighs, rubbing his hand up and down Vince’s leg. Vince unbuttoned his coat, but left it on, exposing miles of pale skin.

Vince broke out of the kiss, “Are you serious right now Howard?”

Howard responded by lifting Vince up so that Vince could wrap his legs around Howard’s waist. Howard grabbed the thick swell of Vince’s arsecheek as Vince moaned into his mouth. He was very serious. 

***

This was turning out better than even Vince the eternal optimist could have imagined. The feel of Howard’s fingers gripping his arse hard enough to bruise was making him so hard. He was pinned against the wall by Howard’s body. And the feeling was unbelievable. 

Then there was the thought of someone walking in, someone catching them. When Howard had neglected to lock the door Vince didn’t remind him. The thought of someone coming in to find them in this state was making it very hard for him to form coherent thoughts. And when Howard changed position so that Vince’s cock rubbed between their two bodies he lost the ability to think altogether. 

While Vince was lost in the sensation, Howard’s hands moved. One moved to Vince’s thigh to get a better grip so that the other hand could wander. Howard teased at the crease of Vince’s arse, occasionally threatening to go deeper. Vince bobbed up and down on Howard’s waist, climbing him like a goddamn tree, trying to find some friction, then Howard laughed evilly and sat Vince back down.

***

Vince looked so sweetly dazed and confused. His lips swollen and needy. His lipstick smeared all over his face, and probably Howard’s as well. “Howard-why’re we-why we stoppin?” Almost whining. 

Howard leaned forward so he could speak very quietly, his voice a low rumble in Vince’s ear. “I should just leave you like this.” 

Vince shuddered at the vibration. “You wouldn’t.”

“Mmmm. I think I would.”

Beads of pre-cum gathered on the tip of Vince’s cock. 

“Yes. I think you should button up your coat and walk home just like that.”

And now Vince  _ did  _ whine. “Come on Howard. I-I need-just come on.” 

Howard would have liked to continue the game but Vince was so worked up it seemed almost cruel. And he couldn’t deny that if Vince had to walk home in that condition it meant he would have to as well, as the large bulge in his corduroys would attest. 

Howard took Vince’s cock in his hand and squeezed it. “Is that what you want?”

Vince nodded rapidly. Howard removed his hand, but before Vince could protest too much, he’d spit on his hand and returned it to Vince’s dick. 

***

Vince had to keep his eyes closed, because when he’d looked down to see Howard’s long beautiful musicians fingers wrapped around his cock he’d almost come instantly. So he kept his eyes closed and only returned to that beautiful mental image for the briefest of moments, lest everything be over too soon. 

Howard worked his hand up and down, then he stopped moving, just gripping it firmly at the base, and he massaged Vince’s balls with his thumb. Vince’s knees went weak, he struggled to keep himself upright by propping himself up against the wall. 

***

Vince’s eyes fluttered behind his closed lids. He made the most lovely little gasping noises. And he bit his lip hard whenever Howard did something he really liked. 

Howard palmed at his own almost painfully hard cock, but only briefly, he wanted to focus on Vince. And pulling more of those beautiful little sounds out of him. 

Howard moved his hand in long languorous strokes and Vince’s mouth dropped open of its own accord. Gasping and moaning. 

***

Vince felt the familiar pool of heat deep in his belly. That deep pleasurable ache, trying to bear down on it and relax into it at the same time. So much work and the easiest thing in the world. Every muscle in his body tensed then relaxed as he came in Howard’s hand. He thunked his head on the tile wall behind him but didn’t even feel it.

“You all right there little man?”

Vince nodded, not quite up to speaking yet, he rubbed the back of his head absentmindedly. 

Howard chuckled then kissed Vince’s crown where he’d hit his head. He then went over to wash his hands in the sink. 

***

When Howard turned back around he found Vince on his knees. Vince crept forward and pinned Howard between two sinks. He unbuttoned Howard’s trousers, and pulled them down a bit, then he pulled down Howard’s very sensible pants, freeing Howard’s throbbing cock.

Vince took Howard into his mouth. He bobbed up and down, gently at first, lulling Howard into a pleasurable trance, giving him a false sense of security, but just as Howard was relaxing into the rhythm Vince hollowed out his cheeks and sucked hard. Howard’s eyes rolled back so hard in his skull he was legitimately concerned they might get stuck there. A loud moan escaped his mouth. 

Vince snorted, and reached up with one hand to cover Howard’s mouth. He had to sit up straight on his knees to accomplish it, he couldn’t be back on his haunches. He bobbed his head harder up and down, taking Howard further back each time. He kept one hand firmly over Howard’s mouth and the other kneading the beautiful heft of Howard’s arse. 

There was a crisp knock at the door. The funeral director. “Is everything all right in there?”

Howard was too far gone to answer and it was rude to talk with your mouth full so Vince let Howard’s cock slide out of his mouth. 

“We’re all right.” He licked a long strip up the underside of Howard’s dick and Howard moaned into Vince’s hand. “He’s just havin’ a hard time. Right Howard?”

Not even hearing the question, Howard responded with “uh-huh.” 

“He just needed a moment. He’s real upset.”

Vince took Howard all the way back and Howard sobbed in pleasure. Though to the funeral director it sounded like someone deep in the throes of grief. 

“Anything I can do?”

“No. I got it handled. Thanks.”

“Very well then.” 

Vince listened as the funeral director’s footsteps faded away. 

***

Howard couldn’t even bring himself to care that they’d almost been caught which would of course be even more embarrassing than tipping over one of the show coffins but he was too close to care. 

The sound of Vince’s tongue licking up and down his cock, the sound of slurping as Vince sucked, the wet slapping as he bobbed up and down, the little sounds that emitted from Vince of their own accord, the rhythm of it, was too much. 

He dug his fingers into Vince’s hair pushing himself further and further into Vince’s mouth. Vince dropped his hand from Howard’s mouth and both of his hands were squeezing his arse, pulling him closer. Deeper. 

But then Vince backed off, Howard let go of his hair, and Vince licked the underside of Howard’s cock, then ran his tongue over the tip. 

He tipped his eyes upward to make eye contact with Howard. And from that angle they looked almost inhumanely large. Dark stormy pools that only came out at times like this, otherwise they were the brightest sunshine blue. Once he was sure Howard’s gaze was locked with his own, he slowly slowly so painfully slowly took Howard deep deep deep, all the way to the back of his throat. 

And just like that Howard came, his eyes dropped closed and he shuddered, Vince kept his arms around Howard’s legs so he couldn’t pull back. Vince swallowed and when Howard opened his eyes Vince again captured his gaze and just as slowly as before, took Howard’s cock out of his mouth. 

Howard hauled Vince to his feet and kissed him, tasting a bit of himself in Vince’s mouth. He kissed Vince long and deep. 

Vince pressed his forehead to Howard’s cheek. Howard wrapped his arms around Vince. 

Howard laughed, a very quiet rumble in his chest. “And let that be a lesson to you.”

When they came out of the men’s room, Vince wore Howard’s plain white shirt buttoned all the way down, long enough that it looked like a dress. He’d turned his scarf into a headband and he had his sunglasses back on. He looked effortlessly chic and cool. Like some sexy french girl in some sexy french film. 

Howard looked like a lunatic, wearing corduroys, no shirt, and a ladies trench coat several sizes too small. 


End file.
